Eighteen. Why is eighteen so important in a person’s life? I can think of a number of things that happen at 18. In our world, due to some social construct, the culture tells you that once you reach 18 years of age you are considered a ‘grown up’. The law says that legally you are an adult. But it is really an illusion. If you are still depending on parents to care for and provide for you, then you are not yet self-sufficient. If your parents still have to provide a place for you to live, provide for you financially, provide you with food, and transportation; you are not quite an ‘adult’ yet. There is also another thing that happens at eighteen. Depending on the person, some go away to college at eighteen. There could be a false sense of ‘freedom’ that comes with eighteen. One may tend to feel as if they are ‘free’ because they are not in the house with mom and dad anymore. When parents are not there to ‘watch over you’ or tell you when to come and go. If no one is there to say, “be home by 11, study, go to bed, and get enough sleep”. If there is no one there to advise you about who to hang out with, choose friends wisely, do you have the wisdom to choose? Parents have a sixth sense, so they tell you who to watch out for, and who to separate yourself from. Once the parents are not there (physically) doing all those things, you feel a sense of ‘freedom.’ But is it really freedom? There is something my husband says (I think he got this idea from a school in another country-maybe England). It is something like, “even when you think it’s freedom, there are still rules.” The rules are what makes the game fun. The fact that there are rules, there are guidelines, there are constructs that you must work within, that is what actually makes the game fun. With rules in place, everyone knows what to expect, how far to go, what is allowed, etc. So, what may feel like freedom could destroy you if you are not ready for it. If you don’t have a plan in place for your life, if you don’t have barriers, if you haven’t set boundaries, if you aren’t able to say, “no” to friends, say, “no” to drugs, and “no” to drinks; it will be difficult to keep your life on track. You must be able to say, “no” to people that want to infringe on your time and, “no” to going out when you know you must study. You’ll have to say no to staying up late when you know that you have class the next morning. It will have to be no to people that you know who are going places and doing things that are not going to be of benefit to you. When folks are doing things that you know don’t line up with what you believe; when they are doing things, going places, and putting yourself around substances that you know your parents did not raise you around-it requires a level of self-control. If you are not able to say no to these things, your life will go down a path that you did not (intentionally) intend it to go down.
Due to firsthand experience, I can speak for myself.
Moment of Transparency: It was June of 1997. I was not eighteen yet, I had just graduated high school. A few months out of high school, a guy that I knew (one of my best friends’ older brothers) showed up at my front door and ‘confessed his love for me.’ Well, not quite “love,” but he told me how interested he was in me. I had been friends with this friend since middle school, so I knew her family. We spent a lot of time at one another’s homes. So, I knew (of) her brother. In fact, we (our families) had all gone out together for dinner on Graduation Day (just a few weeks earlier). So, when he appears and informs me of his ‘interest’ in me… being the seventeen-year-old that I was at that moment-I was surprised, shocked, and even more flattered. Aside from the flattery and shock, my relationship with God was NOT where it should have been. Whenever you are not aligned with God’s plan, when He is not The Head of your life, when you are not seeking Him first when making decisions, you leave yourself “open” to satan’s antics. Therefore, it is needless to say that-in that moment- I was not able to see God’s plan for my life. Instead, I was being pulled, tugged, dragged, and led astray by my feelings and emotions. The heart and mind of a seventeen-year-old can be so foolish, gullible, naïve, and ignorant-especially when you have left God out! In that moment, I lacked the ability to see past the plot satan had planned ahead. You see, I was supposed to be starting college that August, completing my four-year degree, graduating, falling in love, getting married, and then having children. At least, that was the plan I thought I had for my life. If I were in a relationship with The Holy Spirit, he would have warned me that his ‘feelings for me’ had NOTHING to do with the plan for my life, nor should I have been getting involved in any serious relationship at that time. Afterall, I was getting ready to start college. It was time to meet new people, experience college life, do fun things, learn new things, have new experiences, and get to know myself more. Unfortunately, things did not go as ‘planned.’ Because I did not have boundaries up and I was not serious about ‘my plan’; I wasn’t able to walk away. Once again, I was not in the right connection with God. When you are in connection with Him, you ‘check’ everything with Him. It is almost like a security checkpoint. The security checks you at the door. You check everything with him- before you get involved with anything, involved with anyone, involved with any place, EVERYthing gets checked by Him. But I was not there, so I was not allowing The Holy Spirit to check me, check my actions, check my desires, nor check my choices. I was just living and going being guided by my feelings. Yep, a case of ‘the blind leading the blind!’ I was just living and going by my feelings and my emotions, which led me down a wrong path.
I did begin my schooling that August, but….
Pregnant By My 18th Birthday
As you can tell by the subtitle above, you know what happened. I took the bait…got involved. Within five months (by November) I was pregnant. I found out a few days before my 18th birthday. As a matter of fact, I remember because it was around Thanksgiving (my birthday is late Nov.) My Mom was out of town for the holiday, so I had to make that dreaded phone call. So, there I was, only five months out of high school-with another life growing inside of me. Despite the fact that I was still so young, still foolish, still ignorant to the things of the world, still ignorant about responsibility, ignorant about being a parent, ignorant about being a mom, just ignorant about even who I was and who God had created me to be. I had another person inside of me- someone that I was responsible for now. When I think back on it now, I was young and in love. I was not necessarily thinking about having a child at that age, but my boyfriend at the time wanted a child. He made that very clear. He was very verbal about the fact that he wanted a child. I did not have the power within me to tell him, “No”. We were not married, I was in my first year of college, and it was not the plan I had for my life. But, since I did not stand up, I allowed it to happen.
Fast forward to July of 1998. I graduated high school in June of 1997 and by July of 1998 I was a mom. I had a child in July of 1998- one year and one month out of high school. What do you really know at that age? Not much! But that is my story. That’s where I was…a. there’s much more to this story. I will have to do another post to complete it.
I hope this helps. If you or someone you know is between the age of eighteen into early twenties, you all fall under the same umbrella, along the same lines-you are still learning about life, you are still figuring things out. You are still exploring the world, still learning. There is so much to learn, and I encourage you to do that. Take time to have friends, have experiences, and build relationships. Having a child at/around this age is not advisable, for a number of reasons.
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