When I think about the word humility, I think about being able to put someone else’s needs before my own. Depending on the situation, humbling yourself could even feel like you are giving up control. As I think about the word humble, it reminds me of an incident with one of my students a few days ago. It appeared as if she was demanding things from another student. It seemed like she was operating in a spirit of entitlement-demanding things and being extremely specific about what she wanted. It was like she was being bossy about something that someone was allowing her to borrow. I had to quickly remind her, “It is not yours. It does not belong to you.” Excuse me! But in my 45-year-old mind, I thought that if someone is allowing you to borrow something, you simply accept what they give you, then thank them. She was supposed to ask, then wait to see which one the students wanted (if any) to lend her. I inquired further to ask if she had even Thanked her. The nerve of her! ….Right?
Humility in Marriage
As I liken the above-mentioned scenario to a marriage relationship, this could be us at any given moment. We could be guilty of demanding our husbands fulfill our wishes and behave like a spoiled brat. We must be careful that we are not lulled into this mode of thinking that he must do things for us, or he must give in the way he does. We can easily begin to feel entitled and think the way our husband goes out of his way for us is owed to us. Be very careful! Yes, any great husband takes pride in making his wife feel loved, valued, appreciated, and special. But sometimes we can take things for granted. We MUST appreciate the love he shows us. Once we begin to take our husband for granted, feel like he owes us something, or feel like he must do what he does, we are headed in the wrong direction. The wrong thoughts are ruling. I believe this is one of the reasons the Bible says to renew your mind. We must renew our minds because we can easily get stuck in the wrong thought pattern. The mind, in and of itself can be very misleading at times. This is why we need The Word of God to be our guide, our source. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 says “give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus”. Reading a scripture such as this is an instant reminder to be thankful, no matter the situation. More simply stated: All that Hubby is doing for you, be grateful for.
Yesterday evening I had to have a conversation with my two younger sons about this. I overheard what sounded like our 10-year-old yelling at our 8-year-old about something. I could not hear well enough to tell what the conversation was about. So, I called them into our bedroom to see what the yelling was about. (Backstory: a few days ago our 10-year old broke his wrist) Long-story, short: he’d asked his younger brother to open a bottle of water for him (he has one hand in a cast), so he opened the way an 8-year old does (lol)- which is with his teeth. So, what I had overheard was him screaming at him because he opened the bottle cap with his teeth. I was a bit surprised and saddened as well. I did not like the tone that he was talking to his brother in. I expressed my thoughts about it and quickly reminded him, “you asked him to do a favor for you.” He is helping you. I do not understand why you are screaming at him. You should be thanking him, instead of yelling. How ungrateful! …Right?
In this case, I paralleled it to the marriage relationship as well. Because this too, could easily be our story. We must really stop and think about what we are doing and how we are treating our husbands. Be honest! Isn’t this how we treat our spouse sometimes when they’re doing something kind for us or they’re being thoughtful or caring toward us; but we are in our little funk and we’re like, ‘why did he do it like this’ and ‘I didn’t want it this way’. And it is all about me, me, me, me, me, me, me. If we stopped and thought about the other person and think about the fact that they may be going out of their way to do something for us, this selfish attitude will cease. If we took a moment to acknowledge his efforts to help make our lives better and a little easier, we would not allow ourselves to remain in that ungrateful space for long. We would snap out of it quickly.
Able to Apologize?
Another dimension of humility is being able to say sorry. This is important for some of us…including myself :-/ I tell you all the time, it is not an easy thing for me, but it is getting easier. My Dear Husband is helping me too. I am not usually the first to say, “I’m sorry.” In fact, if I totally be honest about it, often in my mind I am trying to find a way to justify why I said/did what I have. Some of the time my husband will stop me and say, “you know you don’t have to say all of that.” “All you’ve gotta do is say babe, my bad. I am sorry about that. I apologize,” he says. (SMH, I am so ashamed right now) I guess that is his way of trying to help me realize to just apologize, stop trying to justify. I guess it is the pride (or self-righteousness) in me that makes me feel the need to justify my actions. Whichever one of them it is, it is something that is still in me, that should not be. It puts me on the defense and in turn, causes me to try to defend and explain why I have done whatever it is I have done/said. Instead of me attempting to defend or justify my actions, I should just be able to apologize. Honestly, this is still a work in progress. I must humble myself and invite The Holy Spirit to help me, to quicken me when I am going in that direction. Thank God for The Holy Spirit! I’m also grateful that my Husband is willing and able to help walk me through it. I am glad that he is patient, and I am thankful for who he is. Instead of him being offended, he is trying to help me make it better. Love! Taking offense to me being on the defense is the easier thing to do. But instead, he takes the high road. I am thankful for his patience. Appreciate your Husband!
Celebrating Others
Do you think it takes a level of humility to tell someone else that they did a great job? How about being able to tell someone ‘Congratulations’? Are you able to tell someone, “You were right, and I was wrong.” Are you able to tell Hubby, “Thank you for your help” …even though you did not want (or ask for) any help? LOL! Okay, so here is a Moment of Transparency: My husband has a natural gift and can fix/improve things. It is how his brain works. He can easily figure things out and he is able to see easier/more efficient ways of doing things. So, quite naturally he offers his help to me, often uninvited. He may come in and see me (maybe struggling to) doing something. He will say something like, “why are you doing it the hard way?” or he likely just has a better solution. Sometimes when these scenarios happen, I guess it is my pride, but I (sometimes) tend to feel like ‘he’s taking over.’ It could also feel like, ‘I’m trying to do something, but he he wants to show me his way.’ In all transparency, most of the time he is actually helping me out. He is usually giving me an easier way or a shortcut to do things. But, for some reason (likely, it is pride) sometimes I don’t want to receive help. Sad! Shameful! I know…. In some way my mind convinces me that he is making me feel/look silly. I really am still working this out in my brain as I am talking (writing 😊). Seriously, I really should just be able to say, “thank you for your help.” I should also tell him how smart he is and that he did have a better, smarter, or simpler way of doing it. Should!!! You all, pray for me. Don’t judge me please! 😉 I am aware of it now. So, I am working on it.
Conclusion
For any relationship to become great, it requires a level of humility. Both parties must be able to listen to the other. Be able to accept the truth, that your thoughts and opinions are not always right. Treat the other with respect and show appreciation often-whether it is through words or deed. He should know how much he is loved and appreciated. Tell him when he has done an excellent job. Finally, humble yourself, be able to accept his help. You do not have to be Super Woman. God has Blessed you with a husband. Allow him to assist you. He finds pleasure in this.
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