Maybe you believe that frustration is just a normal part of marriage—that it’s something you have to live with. But what if I told you it doesn’t have to be that way? What if you could actually enjoy your marriage again—without the constant bickering, unspoken tension, and lingering disappointment? Believe me, it can happen for you.
What Does Frustration Feel Like?
When you think of the word frustration, what comes to mind? Is it anger, sadness, resentment, annoyance, bitterness, or discontentment? Which of these describes an emotion that you’ve ever experienced?
Now, the question is:
What has happened to cause these feelings to arise?
- Was it an unmet expectation?
- Did you feel unheard?
- Unappreciated?
- Was there poor communication?
- The absence of time spent together?
Communicate Your Concerns
Is this something that is recurring? Have you noticed a pattern of this behavior, or is it something that has happened just a time or two? What do you think may be causing it?
Is he aware that this is something that’s bothering you—or is he totally oblivious to how you really feel?
Have you talked about it and brought it to his attention?
How did he respond?
Did he accept accountability for his actions, or was there a bit of denial and lack of responsibility?
I know this may feel like a barrage of questions; however, this is intended to get you to take a look at how you resolve conflict.
How do you all handle difficult situations or disagreements?
The manner in which you resolve conflict will weigh heavily on the comfort and genuine peace you have in your marriage… or the level of frustration.
Tone Matters
The manner in which you communicate your concerns could very well determine the outcome. The tone of the conversation matters.
Be sure not to have these types of conversations while you are still angry. When emotions are high, you are likely to say things you don’t mean. In the heat of the moment, you’re more likely to make wide generalizations—using terms like “always” or “never,” which are often exaggerations.
So, addressing the matter while you’re still angry is not the ideal time.
Wait until you are composed before expressing your concerns.
Open Up and Let It Out
Once you’ve made your spouse aware of your concerns, the ball is in their court. Taking this step to initiate a conversation shows that you care and are invested in the well-being of your relationship.
Expressing how you feel also gives you a sense of relief. You’re clearing your head and getting these concerns off your chest. You’ll feel more at peace once you’ve said what needs to be said.
Both parties benefit here:
- You feel more relaxed.
- They are now aware of your concerns and can make a conscious effort to correct the problem.
Both parties win.
Don’t Do It Alone: Find a Mentor Couple
You do not have to find all the answers on your own.
Reach out. Ask for help.
God did not create us to do life alone. You are not an island. He created us to be in relationship and community with one another.
There’s nothing new under the sun. Someone has been where you are and they can help you get through it—and it’s probably someone you already know.
Who started the idea that “marriage problems are supposed to be kept secret”?
Whoever started that can take it back.
This is a recipe for disaster!
Friends, family, and community are there to be leaned on in your time of need.
Look Around You
- What married couples around you do you respect or look up to?
- How long have they been married?
- Do they seem to communicate well?
- Do they have children?
- Do they model the kind of love and stability I desire?
- Do you have a pastor and his wife you feel comfortable sharing with?
It’s likely that they can shed light on your situation and maybe even offer a different perspective.
Sometimes, a simple shift in how we see things can change our entire outlook. When you’re in the middle of a situation, you’re too close to get a clear view. But step back, and the bigger picture comes into focus.
Be Open to Other Perspectives
Have you ever felt a certain way about a topic, but after talking with someone, your mindset shifted? Of course! That’s because you see things through your lens—your background, your upbringing, your experiences.
But when you listen to someone else—someone with a different background and experience—you gain fresh insight. Their perspective can stretch your own.
Be willing to listen to others, instead of believing your way is the only right way.
If another couple has already experienced what you’re going through, they likely have valuable insight. They can share what worked for them—and what didn’t.
You don’t have to reinvent the wheel or remain alone in your frustration.
Learn from those who have gone before you.
Be receptive to help!
Remain Close… Intentionally
You should strive to have such a strong bond with your spouse that you can feel when something isn’t right.
And when you get that feeling, you don’t ignore it—you address it right away.
For example:
If you’re a couple that usually talks every day, and an entire day has gone by without a conversation, there should be an inward alarm going off inside you.
The alarm should be saying:
- “We haven’t connected today.”
- “We haven’t shared our hearts.”
- “I don’t know what he/she has gone through today.”
This type of emotional awareness keeps the relationship close-knit. When you’re apart for hours during the day, reconnecting in the evening shouldn’t be a routine—it should be a priority.
Reconnect Daily
When you see your spouse again—usually after work—it’s time to stop.
Embrace.
Check in emotionally.
If too much time passes without checking in, something inside should remind you:
“It’s been too long. Let me see how they’re doing.”
These are the small but powerful actions that keep couples close.
So that when frustration or conflict does arise, it doesn’t linger. It doesn’t fester.
Because you’re in tune with one another, and you can sense when something’s off.
And once you feel it, you don’t ignore it—you address it immediately.
The slightest emotional distance between the two of you should feel totally uncomfortable.
That’s what strong, healthy marriages look like: air-tight.
Nothing and no one comes between you.
Conclusion
It wouldn’t be realistic to believe that frustration or disappointment won’t arise in marriage. But please understand:
You do not have to remain there.
It may occur—but you don’t live in it.
Have open, honest conversations with your spouse. Make them aware of your concerns.
Be patient. Work through it together.
Reach out to trusted couples in your community who have walked the road before you.
Seek wisdom and advice.
And finally—stay so close to your spouse that nothing can come between you.
Make time to talk every day.
Not just about surface-level things—but about what’s really weighing on your heart.
When conflict arises, address it right away.
Don’t allow even the slightest distance to settle in.
Has this post resonated with you? Share it with a friend, or drop a comment below—what part hit home the most for you? If you’re ready for more resources or encouragement on marriage, subscribe to the blog or follow me on YouTube and Instagram for weekly posts.
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