Dearest Wife,
Do you ever feel like your husband just isn’t hearing you? Like no matter how many times you ask, the response is silence… or half-hearted effort?
Maybe you’ve found yourself feeling disappointed, unseen, or even invisible in the moments when you needed him most.
If you’re nodding your head right now, know this — you are not alone.
But here’s the hope: it doesn’t have to stay this way.
Sometimes, the breakthrough you long for isn’t found in asking harder, but in asking differently.
How you speak to your husband can shape what you receive — and today, I’ll show you how a simple shift can change everything.
Words Carry Weight
The truth is, words carry weight — but so does the way they’re delivered.
When we approach our husbands with respect, softness, and a spirit of partnership, it often opens their hearts in ways frustration and nagging never could.
It’s not about silencing your needs; it’s about expressing them in a way that invites connection rather than conflict.
Today, let’s explore how a small shift in approach can lead to deeper understanding, stronger communication, and a more peaceful marriage.
Communication Style Matters
How you ask often determines what you receive.
You’ve probably heard the saying, “It’s not what you say; it’s how you say it.”
The same concept applies here — especially in marriage.
It may not necessarily be what you’re asking him for; it may be how you’re asking him.
The way you approach him can shape his response.
Men (like any human being, right? 😉) naturally respond based on how they’re approached.
Just think about it:
If someone came to you yelling or being rude, you probably wouldn’t be very receptive, would you?
If they spoke harshly, made you feel unappreciated, or embarrassed you — your natural reaction would be to pull away.
The same is true for your husband.
When he feels respected, appreciated, and heard, he’s far more likely to respond favorably.
Your tone matters.
If your method is nagging or criticism… please stop — seriously!
Nagging usually pushes him further away and makes him even less motivated to respond. Furthermore, be patient! Give him some time to grant your request.
The Biblical Perspective
Let’s take a look at what the Bible says.
One scripture that comes to mind is Proverbs 15:1:
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
This verse is like an “answer key” for communication!
When you speak gently, you turn away anger.
When you speak harshly, you stir up conflict.
Talking to him in a negative or combative way will likely cause frustration — and honestly, do you think you’ll get anything meaningful from him if he’s annoyed or defensive?
Maybe… but it’ll be out of obligation, not out of love.
God designed communication to build up, not to tear down.
Your words are powerful — they create.
(Dr. Bill Winston talks about this in his book about “4D Living” — how Adam originally used words to create, not just to express.)
So, think:
“What do I want to create right now?
What kind of environment do I want in my home and marriage?”
Would you rather create a space filled with tension, or one filled with peace and love?
The choice is in your words.
Before you speak, ask yourself:
“Will these words build him up or tear him down?”
Use Words to Your Advantage
Romans 4:17 says:
“…calleth those things which be not as though they were.”
In other words: speak life into your marriage!
Instead of reinforcing negativity (“Oh, he never listens.” “He’s always like that.”),
replace your words with faith-filled declarations like:
- My husband makes wise decisions.
- My husband listens when I speak.
- I respect and honor my husband.
- Our marriage is strong and peaceful.
- We communicate openly and lovingly.
Once again: your words create.
Speak life. Speak blessing. Speak love.
Your encouragement might even give him the courage to try things he didn’t feel confident doing before.
A wife’s words have power — they can inspire him to be his best.
Common Mistakes
· Nagging-this is constant asking, bothering, or harassment to do something. How does it make you feel when someone asks you repeatedly to do something, without giving you sufficient time to complete the task? Does it make you more eager to do it? Of course not! It likely frustrates you and delays the process even more.
· Criticizing-finding fault, pointing out the negative. Speaking about your husband in a negative light will likely shut down his heart. His pride, ego, and feelings will likely be injured. He will not be in the heart posture to give to a wife that makes him feel unappreciated. This makes it more difficult for him to hear and/or honor your requests.
· Giving silent treatment-This is an ‘old time favorite’ for some. It’s almost a “default” for many. In all honesty, I am guilty of this as well. There’s something about when our feelings are hurt or a disagreement has occurred, silence just happens…or does it? We have to dig a bit deeper to find the psychology behind this. But, this is NOT a way to respond to your husband. It’s actually mean and a bit cruel. How can you be in the same space with one of God’s creations-especially one that you vowed to love- and ignore them and act as if they don’t exist? This requires so much (unnecessary) negative energy.
· Using sarcasm-using irony to convey, contempt. Sarcasm generally tears a person down. The tone and choice of words is used to make a person feel small, simple, or even insignificant. Is this the way you want to make your husband feel? So, be very careful. This could cause damage and build walls that could be difficult to remove. We should never intentionally use our influence and access to our husband’s heart to break him down. Our words should, instead, uplift and encourage him.
Speaking Pleasantly Leads to More
What about expressing gratitude before making a request?
It can be as simple as:
“Thank you — you’re awesome!” before you ask him for something.
Let him know:
- You’re thankful for him.
- You appreciate the things he does.
- You don’t take him for granted.
- You’re proud to be his wife.
Timing matters, too.
There are good and bad moments to bring up requests.
For example, don’t bombard him the second he walks in the door from work.
Give him time to unwind and settle his mind first.
The real goal here isn’t to get him to do things for you —
It’s about how you make him feel.
When you speak warmly and respectfully, you show him:
- I value you.
- I believe in you.
- I trust your heart.
When a man feels loved and respected, he’s motivated to listen, help, and cherish you even more.
This emotional connection spills into every area of marriage — even intimacy.
Because when hearts are connected, everything else follows.
A Moment of Transparency
I’ll be honest —
The way I love, respect, honor, and intentionally speak to my husband makes a huge difference in our marriage.
(And no, I’m not saying I’m a perfect wife!)
None of us are perfect — but being intentional about how you speak to your husband changes everything.
Quick Recap
- Pray before bringing up concerns.
- Choose timing carefully.
- Smile and use a soft tone.
- Use encouraging words.
- Affirm his efforts, even small ones.
- Be patient — change takes time!
Conclusion
In your day-to-day communication, be pleasant, respectful, and loving when speaking to your husband.
Marriage isn’t about control — it’s about working together as a team.
Be patient.
Change doesn’t happen overnight.
(Think about how long it takes you to form new habits, right?)
✅ CALL TO ACTION:
Try one of these strategies in your next conversation and watch the difference it makes!
Has This Post Resonated With You?
If so, share it with a friend or drop a comment below. What part spoke to you the most? I’d love to hear from you.
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With Love,
Tamyia
Prayer for You
Dear Lord,
Please bless the woman reading this right now.
Bless her marriage.
Open her heart and mind so she can trust You with her marriage.
Open both her and her husband’s eyes, ears, and hearts to hear one another more clearly.
We thank You in advance for excellent communication between them.
Amen
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