Maybe you believe that if you forgive him, it means you’re okay with what he did.
Maybe you’ve told yourself, “If I forgive too quickly, I’m just enabling him.” Or maybe the pain feels too deep, too fresh, too repetitive—and forgiveness seems like something God might ask of other wives, but not you.
There will be times in your marriage where it feels like forgiveness seems impossible. The weight of disappointment, offenses, and unspoken hurts can easily build a wall between you. You want to move forward, but the offenses keep replaying in your mind.
If you are a wife dealing with forgiveness, I want you to know-you are not alone.
I see you.
Marriage has a way of exposing the deepest parts of us-the vulnerable places that we want no one to know about, old wounds, and those things that God is still helping us work out. Only with God’s grace is it possible for us to forgive. Marriage brings two imperfect people together to share a space under one roof, so offenses are inevitable. This is why forgiveness is not optional, it is essential.
But what if I told you that forgiveness doesn’t mean pretending the pain didn’t happen?
What if forgiveness is less about giving him a free pass and more about setting your own heart free?
I Didn’t Want to Forgive Either
I remember a moment when I sat on the edge of our bed, hot tears rolling down my face, arms folded tight against my chest like armor. My husband stood on the other side of the room, still speaking. I sat quietly, unsure of what to say. We had just had a heated conversation—the kind where things from the past get dug up like graves.
I felt tired. Offended. Angry.
And worst of all—I felt justified in staying there.
God, I don’t want to let this go. I have a right to be angry!. I’ve done nothing. He’s the one that hurt me. Why should I have to let it go?
But in that still moment, the Lord whispered something that pierced through my pride:
“Forgiveness isn’t about who’s right. It’s about who’s willing to love like I do.”
It wasn’t about excusing the wrong. It was about releasing my heart from the bitterness that was slowly stealing my peace.
What the Bible Says About Forgiveness
Let’s be honest—sometimes we think of forgiveness as this vague, spiritual concept that only “super-Christian wives” can actually do. But God never intended for forgiveness to be this unreachable ideal.
He made it practical. Uncomfortable. And yes—hard. But possible.
Here’s what He says:
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
— Ephesians 4:32
Especially in those times when you feel justified in feeling angry and you don’t want to let go of the offense, let Christ be The Standard. He forgave you, RIGHT?
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”
— Matthew 18:21–22
I cannot say it enough, offenses are inevitable. You will step on one another’s toes. You will say some thing that rubs one another the wrong way. Feelings will get hurt. Expectations won’t always be met. Be willing and ready to forgive.
Forgiveness isn’t based on the number of offenses. It’s based on the kind of heart God is growing in us. He never asks us to do something He hasn’t already done for us.
What Forgiveness Isn’t
Sometimes forgiveness is misunderstood. Let’s clear the air:
- ❌ Forgiveness is NOT pretending the hurt didn’t happen
- ❌ It’s NOT saying what he did was okay
- ❌ It’s NOT letting someone continue in destructive behavior
- ❌ It’s NOT always reconciliation (that requires repentance)
What Forgiveness Is
- ✅ Forgiveness IS choosing to release the offense into God’s hands
- ✅ It’s a spiritual act of obedience, not an emotional agreement
- ✅ It’s saying, “I trust God to deal with this in His way, not mine”
- ✅ It’s a daily choice, not a one-time feeling
Why Forgiveness Matters in Marriage
Here’s what happens when we choose to forgive (even before we feel like it):
- 💔 It protects your heart from bitterness (Hebrews 12:15)
- 💬 It invites open, healing conversations
- 💡 It helps you see your husband through God’s eyes
- 🕊️ It brings God’s peace back into your home
- 🌱 It models grace for your children
You might not see the fruit immediately, but forgiveness plants seeds of restoration that God will grow in time.
My Story: The Turning Point
There was a season when I was constantly on edge with my husband. Every interaction felt laced with tension. We were polite but distant. And I didn’t realize how much resentment I had stuffed down until it started spilling out in sarcasm, withdrawal, and silent treatments.
One night, during a prayer time alone, I felt the Holy Spirit gently convict me:
“You keep asking Me to change him, but you won’t let Me soften you.”
Oof.
I had been praying at God about my husband instead of praying with God about my heart.
That night, I wrote down every offense I had been keeping record of (yes, the same ones 1 Corinthians 13 says love doesn’t keep). And one by one, I crossed them off—not because they didn’t hurt, but because I realized Jesus already paid the price for them.
I began praying for my husband, not out of duty but out of desire—because I wanted to see God heal both of us.
That moment changed everything. Not overnight. But in time.
Forgiveness softened my edges. And it made room for God to work in both of our hearts.
How to Start Forgiving When It Feels Impossible
You don’t need to feel ready—you just need to be willing. Here are 6 steps that can help:
1. Talk to God Before You Talk to Your Husband
Pour your heart out. Be honest with Him. He can handle your anger and confusion.
2. Ask God to Show You the Real Root
Is it pride? Fear? Repeated hurt? Sometimes we’re holding onto more than just the moment—we’re reacting from years of built-up pain. (ie: childhood trauma)
3. Write Down the Offenses You’re Holding
Don’t minimize them. Acknowledge the hurt. Then ask the Holy Spirit to help you release them.
4. Speak Forgiveness Out Loud
Say it: “Lord, I forgive him for ______. I choose to let this go and trust You with justice.”
5. Let Go of the Outcome
Forgiveness doesn’t guarantee immediate change. But it does guarantee freedom for you.
6. Repeat Daily
Some wounds require daily surrender. That’s okay. God sees your fight.
A Word Just for You, Wife
Forgiveness doesn’t make you weak. It makes you wise.
It doesn’t mean the hurt never happened. It means you’ve decided the hurt doesn’t get to define what happens next.
You’re not giving your husband a free pass. You’re giving your heart a fresh start.
Your willingness to forgive—again and again—doesn’t go unnoticed by the One who sees it all.
Reflection Questions
- What offense have I been holding onto that God is asking me to release today?
- Have I been waiting to feel like forgiving instead of choosing to obey first?
- What would change in my marriage if I started walking in forgiveness this week?
A Prayer for the Wife Struggling to Forgive
Father, You see my pain. You know how hard it is for me to let go of this hurt. But I trust You. I don’t want to live bitter—I want to live free. Help me forgive as You’ve forgiven me. Heal what’s broken. Soften my heart. And bring peace back into our home. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Your Turn
If this post spoke to you, would you share it with another wife who might be struggling?
And if you need prayer, drop a comment or DM me on Instagram. You’re not alone in this.
God’s not finished with your story—and neither are you.
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We’re in this together—and I’m cheering you on every step of the way.
💛 With Love and Purpose,
Tamyia
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