🌍1-Cultural Shifts and Delayed Marriage
Let’s start with the big picture: the world has changed.
Women today are more educated, career-driven, and independent than ever before. These are beautiful, God-given qualities. However, in this cultural shift, marriage has been deprioritized, often unintentionally.
You’ve likely heard phrases like:
- “Focus on yourself first.”
- “Finish school first.”
- “You don’t need a man to be happy.”
- “Marriage will hold you back.”
- “Marriage will slow you down.”
- “Be an independent woman.”
While it’s true that wholeness starts with God, not a man, these messages can plant the seed that desiring marriage is weak or outdated. And over time, that can breed confusion or even shame around a healthy, God-designed longing.
In today’s culture, there are people convincing the ‘younger’ generation that they shouldn’t desire marriage. They are glamorizing the ‘single’ life, while demonizing marriage.
📖 Faith perspective: “It is not good that the man should be alone;”-Genesis 2:18
Marriage is not a weakness. It’s a gift—and desiring that gift is not something to hide or apologize for. Marriage was created by God.
💔 2-Fear from Past Hurt or Divorce
One of the most silent, yet powerful, barriers to marriage is fear—especially the kind rooted in past pain.
You might be carrying wounds from:
- An emotionally unavailable father
- A toxic or abusive relationship
- A divorce you never saw coming (not necessarily your own)
- Church hurt that made you question God’s goodness
- You find it very difficult to trust now
When we don’t take time to heal, fear can disguise itself as caution. We may say, “I’m just being careful,” when really, we’re building walls so high that no one can get through—not even someone God may send.
A father being unavailable likely leads to ‘trust’ issues. Women become ‘guarded’ as a way of ‘protecting’ themselves from disappointment. Do you find it hard to ‘let anyone in’ or ‘allow anyone to get close’? Are you keeping everyone at ‘arm’s distance’, for fear that you might actually feel something?
Really taking time to acknowledge and work through these feelings is vital to your emotional health as well as your future relationships. Allow yourself to heal so you can be the best you once your husband finds you.
📖 Faith insight: “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”-Psalm 147:3
Healing is not a one-time event—it’s a process. But when we invite Jesus into our pain, He redeems what we thought would disqualify us.
🧠 3-Unrealistic Expectations or Idealism
It’s easy to carry a mental checklist of your dream husband.
He must be:
- Spiritually mature
- Emotionally available
- Financially stable
- Tall, handsome, funny
- Passionate about your calling
- Able to quote Scripture and plan date nights
Now, none of these are bad desires. But here’s the gentle truth: no one is perfect—and sometimes, what we label as “standards” are actually walls.
Many Christian women unintentionally wait for a man who doesn’t exist, all while overlooking Godly men who are growing, learning, and becoming. Yes! Be able to keep your eyes open to the potential within him. Look at what you can actually see him working towards. Not just his words, but his actions.
This doesn’t mean you should settle. But it does mean we need to ask: “Am I allowing grace and growth in my expectations?”
📖 Wisdom: “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”-Proverbs 31:30
Flip that around—it’s the Love of God that matters most in a man too. God’s love governs all other areas of our lives. It’s what drives us, and teaches us how to love ourselves and others.
⛪ 4-Lack of Available Godly Men
Let’s be honest: it can feel like there’s a shortage of kingdom-minded, emotionally mature men.
You might look around and think:
- “The men I meet aren’t serious about God.”
- “They just want situationships, not commitment.”
- “The ones who are mature are already taken.”
That can feel deeply discouraging. But don’t let the numbers—or the silence—diminish your faith in God’s ability to bring the right man at the right time. God has the perfect person, just for you-even if you don’t know (or believe) it yet.
Remember Ruth? God didn’t just drop Boaz in her lap—He led her step by step into a divine appointment she didn’t see coming. He did the same for me! <3
Personal Story: (A little backstory: My husband and I are both teachers.) He arrived at the school I was teaching at in January of 2010. That’s when our (at that time) Music teacher retired. He was our new Music teacher. Since that (portion of a) school year, we have never worked at the same school again. He was only there for a short period (long enough for us to ‘meet’ 😉)….a divine appointment!
Reminder: There is no shortage in God’s kingdom. His timing and selection are still perfect.
🛑 5-Fear of Losing Independence or Freedom
For many women, the thought of marriage brings a subtle fear:
“Will I lose myself?”
You’ve worked hard to grow spiritually, emotionally, and financially. The idea of surrendering some of that freedom can feel scary—especially if you’ve seen unhealthy examples of marriage.
Plus, biblical words like “submission” are often misunderstood or misused, making marriage sound like a downgrade.
But true, biblical marriage is a mutual partnership, not a power struggle. Submission is never about silence or suppression—it’s about sacrificial love from both husband and wife.
📖 Faith Perspective: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”-Ephesians 5:21
A Godly man won’t crush your purpose—he will cover it, protect it, and champion it. The two shall become one-you walk together and work together.
😓 6-Low Self-Worth or Identity Struggles
This one is sensitive. Many women carry silent shame, believing:
- “I’m not pretty enough.”
- “I’ve made too many mistakes.”
- “Something must be wrong with me.”
- “Who is ever going to love me?”
Comparison is also a thief. You may watch friends marry, start families, and post anniversary pictures—and quietly wonder, “What about me, Lord?”
If this is you, hear this in love: Your worth is not tied to your relationship status. Being single does not mean you are unloved, unchosen, or unworthy.
📖 Truth: “There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus,”-Romans 8:1
You are already enough, already loved, already seen. (Song of Solomon 4:7) You are beautiful, fearfully and wonderfully made, just the way He created you. Your identity is found in being God’s daughter, not in being someone’s wife.
🕰️ 7-God’s Timing and Sovereignty
Lastly—and perhaps most humbling—is this truth: you may still be single because God has you in a season of preparation.
Not as punishment. Not because you’ve failed. But because He is preparing something greater than you can imagine.
Maybe He’s still working on your heart.
Maybe He’s still shaping your future husband.
Maybe He’s protecting you from a wrong relationship.
Whatever the reason, His timing is not just a detail—it’s part of His design. God knows it ALL! Please, believe this.
Personal Story: My husband and I have had several conversations that sounded something like, “if we had met one another earlier, we would not have been together.” Why? We were both different in our earlier years. We weren’t ready for one another yet. God was still shaping us, getting us ready for one another…and, for this Kingdom work that He has for us to do!
📖 Encouragement: “Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.”-Habakkuk 2:3
God is never late. He’s not ignoring your prayers. He’s orchestrating a story far more beautiful than the one you would’ve written.
💬 Final Thoughts: You Are Not Forgotten
If you’ve been waiting and wondering, “Why not me?”—let this blog be a reminder:
You are not behind. You are not broken. You are not forgotten. You are right where you are supposed to be at this moment. If any of these struggles or negative mindsets (mentioned throughout this blog) describe you, take action! Acknowledge the hurt, misconception. Address it! Maybe you can begin by simply writing it down-getting it out of your head, and onto the pages of your journal. This simple act can provide such a release. If you feel comfortable, you can talk to someone you trust and respect. Wise counsel. Prayerfully, they can help you to work through these negative emotions and mindsets, that have been holding you back.
God sees you. He knows the desires of your heart. And while the waiting may be long, it is not wasted.
Keep becoming the woman God called you to be.
Keep praying for your future husband—but more importantly, keep trusting the One who writes your story.
And when the day comes that your waiting turns into a testimony, you’ll look back and realize: God never withheld—He was always working.
A Call To Action!
*Which of these best describes you, your current struggle, or your current beliefs? PLEASE let me know, in the comments. I’d love to hear from you 😉
*If this post spoke to you, would you share it with another sister or friend who might be struggling?
*If you need prayer, drop a comment or DM me on Instagram. You’re not alone in this.
God is not finished with your story—He is still working.
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We’re in this together—and I’m cheering you on every step of the way.
💛 With Love and Purpose,
Tamyia
💌 Bonus: A Prayer for Your Future Husband
Father, thank You for seeing my heart and my desire to be married. I pray for the man You are preparing for me. Give him strength, wisdom, and a heart fully surrendered to You. Grow us individually so that when we meet, we’re ready to love with humility, purpose, and faith. I trust Your timing and Your hand on my story. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
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