“You are complete in Him”-Colossians 2: 10
There’s a certain kind of ache that can’t always be explained. It shows up in quiet moments, and wedding invitations, and social media posts that flash readings and milestones you long for in your own life. If you are a single woman who desires marriage, you know this feeling deeply.
Maybe you’ve heard of it before-“Just wait on God!” or “Enjoy your single season!” But if we’re being honest, that advice can start to sound hollow-especially when your heart is weary and your prayers feel unanswered.
Friend, this post is not here to tell you to pretend like you don’t want to be married. God sees that desire. He put it there. But what if the best thing you can do in this season isn’t just to wait-but to become?
This is about wholeness, not passivity. It’s about choosing to live rather than pause your life until someone finds you. It’s about letting God do something beautiful in your heart before he brings that someone to hold your hand.
Let’s talk about what it means to become whole-not just wait.
The Danger of “Waiting” Mode
Many women fall into what I call “waiting” mode. It’s subtle, but it shows up like this:
- You delay pursuing goals because ”once I’m married, I’ll…”
- You measure your worth based on whether you’re chosen
- you treat singleness like a holding pattern instead of holy ground
I’ve been there. I’ve known what it’s like to feel like life will really start when I meet “the one”. But here’s the truth: waiting without becoming often leads to disappointment- even if you do get married.
Because here’s what no one tells you: Marriage won’t fix what singleness reveals.
Marriage won’t heal your brokenness, erase your insecurities, or automatically make you feel complete. In fact, it often magnifies whatever is unresolved. That’s why this time right now is so sacred. It’s not punishment. It’s preparation.
Wholeness is Not Perfection
Let’s get this straight: wholeness does NOT EQUAL perfection. You don’t have to be flawless to be ready for marriage or pleasing to God. You’re not disqualified because you still have areas of growth. We all do.
But here’s the key difference- perfectionism says, “I have to fix everything before i am worthy”.
Wholeness says, “God is making me new, and I’m walking with Him day by day.”
When Colossians 2: 10 says, “You are complete in Him”, it’s not talking about surface-level achievements or relationship status. It means that your identity, your value, and your purpose are found in Christ alone. Not in a man. Not in a ring. Not in a timeline.
You’re not half of a person looking for your other half. You are whole in Him, even as He continues to grow and refine you.
God doesn’t wait until you’re perfect to use you or bless you. He works through your process. The goal isn’t to fix everything before marriage- it’s to surrender everything to God in every season. While He is working… you keep moving, going, and growing.
What Does Wholeness Actually Look Like?
You might be wondering, “Okay… but what is wholeness, practically speaking?”
Let’s break it down:
💔Emotional Wholeness
- Healing from past relationships, soul ties, or abandonment
- Being honest with yourself and God about wounds, triggers, and trust issues
- Learning emotional self control- how to feel without being ruled by feelings
🙏Spiritual Wholeness
- Consistent time with God in prayer and the word
- Learning to hear his voice and follow his leading
- Finding your identity and who God says you are- not what a man does or doesn’t say
💪Practical Wholeness
- Taking responsibility for your life- finances, habits, decisions
- Pursuing purpose: career, calling, community service, ministry
- Learning to manage a home, communicate clearly, and resolve conflict
👉Reflection Question: Which of these areas do I need to grow in right now?
Wholeness is about growth. It’s not about checking off a list- it’s about becoming a woman who lives from a place of fullness instead of lack.
Becoming Before Belonging
So many women feel like they’ll finally be valuable once they belong to someone. But let me tell you something bold, and I hope it sinks deep:
You already belong.
You belong to God. He created you, chose you, redeemed you, and calls you His. Isaiah 43:1 says, “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; You are mine.”
Marriage is a beautiful covenant-but it is not the ultimate source of belonging. You are not “less than” because you are single. And you won’t be “more than” once you’re married. You are deeply known and deeply loved right now.
You may believe marriage will heal all the things you don’t want to deal with in your singleness- loneliness, insecurity, broken family dynamics. But once you are married, you will quickly realize: everything you brought into the marriage goes with you. It is not magically erased, nor resolved. It must be dealt with, addressed. You must allow yourself to heal.
What you’re becoming right now matters. Your future husband can’t fill what only God is meant to complete.
How to Pursue Wholeness in This Season
Here are some practical, Spirit- led ways to start becoming whole right now:
- Get in God’s Word Daily
Let His truth shape your mind and heart. Start a reading plan or journal through Psalms or Proverbs. Let The Word remove the lies you have believed about yourself and your future. Replace the negative thoughts, wrong beliefs, and unfruitful systems with God’s Word…and watch how your life begins to shift.
- Work Through Inner Healing
If there’s unresolved pain, face it. You could begin by journaling about it, as a first step. You may continue your healing journey by speaking with your Pastor, (Christian) therapy, Prayer, forgiveness, or even Fasting and prayer. Don’t bury what God wants you to heal. The longer it remains buried, the harder it becomes to dig it up. Bring it to the surface so you can get help and find peace.
- Serve in Your Community
Get plugged into your church-Volunteer, attend Bible study, or join a small-group. Give someone a call to encourage them. Greet someone with a smile. Say a kind word. Help an elderly neighbor. Bring someone to church. When you give of yourself; you stop focusing solely on what you lack and start walking in purpose.
- Set Goals That Don’t Involve a Wedding
Start the business. Take the trip. Go back to school. Buy the house. Don’t wait for a spouse to start living like the woman God called you to be.
- Pray for Your Future Marriage- but Surrender the Timeline
Yes, it’s okay to pray for your husband. But don’t make an idol of the outcome. Trust God’s timing. He knows when you are both ready.
Let God Fill the Longing
Let’s be honest: the desire for marriage doesn’t just go away. And is not supposed to. It’s a beautiful, God- given desire.
But here’s the key: don’t let your desire become your distraction.
Let it become your invitation- to intimacy with God. Allow Him to guide you, lead you, and fill that space.
Psalm 107:9 says, “He satisfies the longing soul, and fills the hungry soul with goodness.”
God is the only one can fill the deepest part of your heart. Not a man. Not a marriage. Not a milestone. If you chase fulfillment through someone else, you’ll miss the sweetness of the One who already holds your heart.
Let Him sit with you in the ache. Let him minister to your waiting. Don’t silence your desire- bring it to him. Every single time.
Conclusion: You’re Not Just Waiting. You’re Becoming
If you’ve been measuring your worth by your relationship status, I pray this post reminds you: you are already chosen. Already loved. Already whole in Christ.
This season is not a punishment. It’s not a placeholder. It’s preparation. God is building something beautiful in you that marriage can’t replace-and singleness can’t erase.
So the next time someone asks, “Why are you still single?” you can confidently say: “Because God is still completing a beautiful work in me. And I’m not just waiting-I’m becoming.”
📧Call to Action
If this post spoke to your heart, come back next week for Part 2 of the Becoming Her Before the Ring series:
“Confronting the Lies That Hold You Back”- it is going to be a powerful one.
What spoke to you the most? PLEASE let me know, in the comments. I LOVE to hear from you 😉
*If this post Blessed you, would you share it with another sister or friend?
*If you need prayer, drop a comment or DM me on Instagram. You’re not alone in this.
God is not finished with your story—He is still working.
And don’t forget to subscribe so you never miss a new post, resource, or encouragement!
We’re in this together—and I’m cheering you on every step of the way.
💛 With Love and Purpose,
Tamyia
Leave a Reply