In all honesty, when I was younger, I was not thinking much about getting married.
I thought that I would just date, live my life, meet new people while I was in college, and eventually I’d end up meeting my husband someday. Deep down though, I honestly was not giving it much thought. “I’m still young”, I thought. So I figured I had time to figure it all out.
But here’s what I learned, Sis.: That single season only benefits you IF you have Godly standards in place and have a plan for your life-that involves God. If you do not know who you are, nor your worth; you’ll allow anything and anyone into your life. This leads to wrong relationships, bad connections, scars, and deep wounds.
You must be intentional about allowing yourself time to heal before going into marriage. And if you don’t let God tend to those deep places in singleness, you’ll carry them right into covenant, expecting ‘the perfect’ man to fix the wounds from your past- something ONLY God can do.
This isn’t about shame—it’s about freedom. You don’t have to stay stuck in cycles of brokenness, bitterness, hurt, or believing that you’re too far gone for love. Healing is possible. Growth is possible. Wholeness is possible.
And yes—marriage is still possible.
But healing must come first.
The Lie-No One Will Want Me Like This
It’s easy to believe that our broken pieces make us less desirable. That our past makes us unworthy. That the healing we still need somehow disqualifies us from the future we hope for.
Maybe you’ve thought…
- “What if a man sees how deep my wounds go and walks away?”
- “What if my story is too complicated?”
- “I have a child already. Is he willing to become a Step-Dad?”
These thoughts don’t just whisper—they shout, especially in the quiet seasons. And if you’ve been through drama, rejection, heartbreak, or broken relationships, you may have started to believe that love—real, lasting, God-honoring love—just isn’t worth the effort.
As a single Mom, I had to fight thoughts such as these, often. Somedays it felt like maybe my life was just too complicated. Sometimes I had thoughts that I wouldn’t find a good Christian man to love my sons and I. …but, God! He is always a step ahead😉
But I want to lovingly challenge that today:
God never asked you to be flawless before calling you valuable.
He never waited for you to be perfect before He called you “chosen.”
Healing doesn’t cancel your worth—it confirms it.
The Truth: God Heals & Prepares
The pain you have experienced is not in vain. God is taking the time to heal you. The truth is your single season may not be a delay. What if it is development? According to Noah Webster 1828, Development means “An unfolding, the discovering of something secret or withheld from the knowledge of others; disclosure; full exhibition.” It sounds like whatever is on the inside will be uncovered during this development phase.
Think about what happens when companies are building a new development. They are breaking up the ground, preparing underneath the ground (ex.: pipes, lines, etc.) for the home, then the foundation for the new homes is built. Once the foundation is in place, then they can begin building the home
does this sound like what God needs to do in your heart? Does he need to dig up all the old relationships, past hurts, unforgiveness, and wounds? Once all these things have been dug up, then He can begin to create a new foundation in you.
You may not feel “ready,” but can I remind you of something?
Healing is readiness.
Not perfection. Not having it all together. But being open. Willing. Teachable. Surrendered.
Let God use this season to make you whole, not just hopeful.
My Healing Didn’t Happen All At Once
I did not wake up one day fully whole, nor did I flip a switch and become healed.
Healing took some time.
Different situations, scenarios, and even places caused me to take notice of what was still there, lying dormant. It was like peeling away the layers of an onion. There were ongoing conversations with God. There were lots of tears. There was a lot of regret.
There were times when I thought I was over something, until something happened that reminded me that I was not. There were days when I felt strong- only to crumble under the weight of shame and comparison. But in every situation, God was right there. He dried my tears and did not allow me to take residence in that place. He did not allow me to stay stuck.
Some days, healing looked like journaling my honest prayers.
Other days, it looked like resting when my heart was exhausted.
Sometimes, it meant confronting memories I’d buried just to survive.
And often, it meant forgiving—not just others, but myself.
I had to unlearn some things, too:
- That needing help made me weak.
- That boundaries were selfish.
- That I had to “earn” being chosen.
He began to show me what real, true, authentic love looked like-first through Him.
He fathered the broken girl in me.
He mothered the places that were never nurtured.
He corrected the patterns I had accepted as normal.
And He kept whispering, “You are not too broken to be loved.”
Marriage didn’t heal me.
Jesus did.
And because of that, marriage isn’t a rescue plan—it’s a gift I can now receive from a healed place.
Healing made space for peace in our relationship.
It made space for joy. For honesty. For love without fear.
And I believe God wants to do the same for you.
Healing Isn’t Just About Now-It’s About How You’re Becoming
Sis, I want you to know this:
You are not behind. You are not forgotten. You are not disqualified. You are not too broken.
And your healing is not in vain.
Every layer God peels back now is shaping the woman who will one day stand beside her husband—not needy, not hiding, not performing—but whole.
Because healed women love differently.
We listen better.
We choose wiser.
We don’t cling out of fear—we connect from a place of confidence.
We don’t settle—we discern.
We don’t chase—we wait well.
So if you’re in a season of healing, don’t see it as a delay.
See it as God doing deep, foundational work in your soul. (Remember, the word ‘development’ from earlier in the post)?
See it as Him preparing you for a love that’s rooted in truth, not trauma.
Each piece of your heart that you place in His hands, know that He is able to heal. It may not feel like it at that moment, but healing is taking place. As you continue discovering the areas that are still fragile (haven’t quite healed), continue giving it to Him.
And even if the healing feels slow, please don’t stop showing up for it.
Let God deal with the roots, not just the symptoms.
Allow Him to come in during the sorrow, and lead you into peace and freedom.
Let Him prepare you—not just for a wedding day—but for a marriage that thrives in truth, not survival mode.
📖Psalm 147:3-He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
You don’t have to wait to start becoming her.
You are becoming her now—one surrendered moment at a time.
So take the pressure off. Get rid of your timeline.
Trade it for trust.
And let this be the season where God writes wholeness into your story.
📖Phil. 1:6- being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
Still healing? Good. Keep going.
You’re not too late for love—you’re just in the middle of your Love story. 💛
Here are some scriptures to remind you of His goodness and plans for your life.
📖Jeremiah 29:11– For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Your Turn Sis, Let’s Talk!
Are you in a season of healing right now?
What’s one area where you’re letting God make you whole?
I’d love to hear from you—drop a comment below or send me a message. You’re not alone on this journey, and your story matters. 💬
And if this post spoke to you, I created a free 7-day devotional just for women like you who are learning to wait well, heal deeply, and trust God for more.
👉🏽 Grab your copy of “While I Wait: 7 Days of Truth & Grace for Single Women”: https://tamyia-chinnery.mykajabi.com/while-i-wait
It’s full of encouragement, scriptures, and reflection questions to help you grow during this season—right where you are.
Keep healing. Keep hoping.
Love is not off the table—God is still writing your story. 💛
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